watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Let's get the cat blown out
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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