Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize