all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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