Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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