In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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