I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize