if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i came on her dog
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
