New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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