I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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