Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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