I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize