her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
