I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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