So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
