So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
