ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize