D3 body, D1 cock
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I enjoy the company of your penis
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