I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize