I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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