So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
