His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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