she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
