My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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