Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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