i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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