Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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