White coat. Heels.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
