you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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