that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
