saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Im part way to drunk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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