I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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