One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
