It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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