I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
