so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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