College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think people are normalizing furries
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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