WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
