I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
