I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
