I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I need moral support for this bender
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
