i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
