I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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