One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
