I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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