We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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