considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Two words: blizzard sex
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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