Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
