Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
