You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
