You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
