i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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