Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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