Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Come share oat with me in your robe
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
