you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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