My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
