There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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