We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
