The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
