Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
