Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
