remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
