If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
