They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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