just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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