operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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