im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The beer is more important than you right now.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
