I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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