me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize