Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
