She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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