Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
