Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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