Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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