No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
