WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
sex in a hospital.. check
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
