Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
