When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
